btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
