how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
