i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
