I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
