I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
