i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
