My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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