Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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