I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sobbing to NWA
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
