Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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