in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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