The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
