Michael Bay diarrhea
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
