Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
