she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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