So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His nipple licking is glorious
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