I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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