nut hugger
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
