My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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