Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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