She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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