Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
