I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
