You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they need to just BURY HIM!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
