The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
