She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
