Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
