Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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