the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
