He kissed a someone with a penis
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
