it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
