The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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