Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
