When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
