Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
