It's like God shit irony all over that family
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
