Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
