I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
