Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
