Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
