I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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