used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
