Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
