I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
