Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
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Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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