i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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