Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
