Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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