STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
