My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
