I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
