My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
