Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
