Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
