Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
