all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
soo... how was my night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
