How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish you could order shots online.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
