Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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