I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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