Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
