Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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