the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
