I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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