so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
