he shaved USA in his pubs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
