U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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