ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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