I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
