we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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