And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
