i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want to fling myself into the sun
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
