So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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