Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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