3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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