When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
