she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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