If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
