I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
