I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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