before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
