We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
