You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was like eating out sand paper
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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