Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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