sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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